Numbers

Numbers have never been my favorite thing.  As a child, math was always difficult for me.  Give me a book or tell me about history, I was there.  Numbers, not at all.

My life revolves around numbers.  I study them at work.  I analyze them, I graph them, I keep multiple Excel spreadsheets.

My morning today started with numbers.  5:00 AM.  That in and of it self is a horrible number sometimes...  Anyway, back to my morning.  I get up, drive myself to the gym for my weekly torture, I mean training, session.  My trainer meets me there and has me get on the scale.  It was measurement day.  I got on the scale.  He did my measurements (twice), took my blood pressure, calculated my BMI (Body Mass Index) (twice).  We took a look at the numbers.  They were horrible.  Things that were supposed to go down went up or stayed the same, things that were supposed to go up, went down.  I was devastated.  So now, I have to figure out what I am doing wrong.  We are going to measure again in 2 weeks after the new regime to see if we need to change something up with the routine.

I did my workout, then went to run.  Normally, after one of my trainer days, all I can do for cardio is a brisk walk as I can't feel my legs.  Today, I ran 2 miles.  While I was running, I put in my earbuds and listened.  I got into the zone and started praying,  I knew I needed to get my attitude right before heading into work, or I would take the numbers out on everyone I talk to.  I started praying about my numbers.  Why has the number on the scale not moved in months?  Why has the number that I thought would go down, went up?  Why am I going in the wrong direction with my numbers?  While all of this is going on in my head, I am listening.  I am listening to Kari Jobe and her song "Forever".  I am listening to Matt Redmond and his song "Hallelujah".  I am listening to the still small voice that I keep shouting over.  I am listening.

My numbers aren't good right now.  With this knowledge, I have a choice to make.  I can let the numbers define who I am and stay where I am or I can learn from the numbers.  I can analyze them, make them make sense, and go forward.

If I let the numbers define me, then I have lost the purpose of this whole journey.  I have lost the purpose of my life.  I have lost the joy in the journey.

If I learn from the numbers, I can go forward with the faith that this mountain is really just a bump.  It isn't insurmountable.  I may need to stop and rest for a while, but I will be able to get to the top of the mountain.

The hard work isn't done, in fact, it is just getting started.  Do I wish I liked the numbers better?  Yes.  Am I going to roll over and let them get the best of me? No.  I am more than a number.  I am a child of the King.

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