Single and Searching for Him

Pretending... Something I used to do all the time as a kid.  I would pretend to be a mom taking care of her babies, a teacher to her stuffed animals with old schoolbooks, a fashion consultant with her Barbies.  Early childhood is littered with pretending.  It’s encouraged, nurtured, accepted. The problem is when pretending takes over your real life.  This past Sunday, my pastor gave a sermon on when you feel you aren’t good enough for God.  This has been marinating in my mind and heart all week.  Do I live my life as great on the outside but nothing of substance on the inside?  Am I performing for the world around me?  I would love to say that no.  What you see is what you get.  However, if I am going to be honest, the answer is yes.  I have to pretend to be what others perceive me as.  Especially at church.  Sunday mornings sometimes are the biggest moments of pretending I do.  At work, if I am having a bad day...

It’s hard to believe we are in the 20’s!  In my lifetime, I have lived in 6 decades, 2 centuries, and 2 millennias now.  The fact that this year is my 25th high school reunion is a little mind boggling.  It truly seems as if it has only been about 5!  As this is the season of starting fresh, making changes, becoming a better you, etc...  I have been doing a lot of soul searching.  This last year was really good in some aspects, and then it felt as if all my hopes and dreams came crashing down around me to be shattered at my feet.  I have to admit, this put me in a HUGE tailspin where the last couple of months, I have not been me at all.  But with the help of therapy, lots of praying and delving deep into the Word along with an AMAZING support system, I am finally coming back.  I don’t think I will ever be the same but I have realized that I am stronger than I thought I ever could be.  While these experiences were not something I wis...