Single and Searching for Him

Some reason for the last month or so, I have had to repeatedly answer the same question.  "When do you go back to school?"  Then I have to smile, and answer, I am not teaching anymore.  It's been five years and that sentence still hurts.  Like knife in the heart, hurt.  It is still a sucker punch to the gut.  I still want to curl up and cry. Today's Facebook memory was about the beginning of the end for me as a teacher.  I was worried about what the new year would bring.  Now I look back and think "I had every reason to worry".   So as I was running this morning, I had my choice of a story about Pulse Nightclub and the shooting or the news about the attack in France.  Neither were something that I wanted to focus on as I was sweating so I started thinking about the events in my life five years ago and why it still hurt to say "No, I am not teaching".   All my life, all I ever wanted to do was teach and be a mom.  I ...

This morning, I attempted to do something I have never done before.  I finished a 10k.  That is 6.2 miles.  Longest I have ever gone. My goal was to finish in 1:20.  I finished in 1:28.  I had to walk all of mile 4 to 5.  There was a panic attack at mile 3 when I realized that I was only half way finished and I had to do everything I had just done again.  But thanks to the great volunteers and some girls in tutus who were also running the 10k, I got back in the groove and went around again.  As soon as  I hit the second lap, my phone went dark and I lost my music.  So  the other three miles was me listening to my breathing and each step I took. On top of all of this, it was so humid it felt like I was running under water, through mud, and definitely through Satan's armpit.  It was rough, it was challenging, and I wish I had done better, but I need to remember that I did it.  A year ago, this wouldn't have been physica...