Captain’s Log~ Day Who Really Knows...

As everyone right now is staying home to help prevent even more of a spread of this virus that has completely taken over the world, I wanted to get something down on “paper” to record my thoughts and feelings.  

Being single during this time, is both a blessing and a curse.  It allows me to not have to worry about anyone else, except my brother who lives here to.  It also provides no distraction of another human during the day while I am working from home.  It has also led to an attitude on my part of totally giving up.  I went to the store yesterday for the first time since last Wednesday.  It was the first time I have left my house in over a week and I felt as if I was doing something illegal.  It also forced me to put on actual clothes as opposed to the leggings and t-shirt that had become my staple.  I have gotten up, gotten a cup of coffee in me, logged into my computer on my brand new desk, and started my day.  Around lunch time, I would change out of my pajamas, put on my workout clothes, hop on the treadmill for a quick session/brain break, and then grab a bite to eat and get back to work.  When work was done for the day (I had to log off), I would go to the living room and watch a little tv until Dan came home or I needed to start dinner.   

During these last 10 days of not leaving the house, I have been cleaning every surface, scrubbing all the carpets, wiping down everything a couple of times a day, and basically starting to get paranoid about what was being brought into my house when my brother comes home from work.  It does something for your anxiety and by yesterday, I wasn’t functioning very well mentally.  I kept trying to write something I was thankful for, and couldn’t find anything.  I have been trying to focus as much as possible on the positive, but by yesterday, I was a gigantic ball of nerves.  

So, getting dressed and going grocery shopping (as it was my normal day to do that) was such a major accomplishment.  It was completely nerve wracking, absolutely terrifying and not because of the people or being out in the world.  It was because I went to the store with no plan on what I was buying, no list since I had no idea what would actually be on the shelves.  I am a planner and need to know what I am cooking each night, so that I am not staring into the refrigerator trying to figure out what to eat.  Yes, I realize how neurotic this admission makes me seem, but living in these days, I am trying to take care of the things I can control as opposed to worrying about the things I can’t.  

I have been so grateful that my church has done their services live-streamed and we have had “choir practice” via Facebook Live because those two things have helped with keeping my focus on where it needs to be. Centered fully on who God is.  I believe that this time of isolation is completely planned by God and the things that he previously said no to me about a few months ago, are now being viewed in a different light.  Those things were not something that would help me out in this time and He graciously protected me all those months ago.  I am amazed at all the ways that God protects His children from upcoming tragedies, like this one we are currently living in.

As someone who likes to know what is happening to live in a world where nothing is guaranteed throws me for a loop.  My controlling nature has had to fully rely on what God says and right now, He is saying to Be still.  Simply let Him take control, and show who He is to the world.

How do we do that when we are in isolation?  Check in on people.  See how they are doing.  Reach out to neighbors, share.  Simply put... be decent to EVERYONE you see. Remember what you learned in Kindergarten..  I have learned that a smile to the people working at the grocery store goes a long way.  They don’t want to be out any more than you do, but in order to keep food on our plates, and our houses clean, they need to be.  

Thank a nurse.  Thank a doctor.  Thank any person working in the medical profession.  Yes, they signed up for crazy hours and high demands.  They didn’t sign up for mass panic and hysteria.  Use common sense when talking to people.  Focus on one thing a day to be thankful for.  Write it down.  Send a note to someone you haven’t talked to in a while.  FaceTime your family so they remember what you look like :).  But above all, remember that God is completely in control and already has a plan in place.  Your only job is to worship and acknowledge His greatness and power.

And yes, these are words I need to hear constantly.  I am saying them to myself everyday.  I just needed to write them down so that I would remember when my anxiety gets going and sends me on a tail-spin.

And, when this is all over, one way or another, hug the people in your life and let them know that they mean the world to you!

And... go to your happy place and remember what it is like to be isolated and appreciate the people in your life who you haven’t been able to see.