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Quiet

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The most dreaded words any single person hears...

Why aren't you dating anyone?  Are you looking?  You should try finding someone.  A pretty girl like you shouldn't be alone.

UGH!!!  Stop.  Just stop.  Do you really think I haven't tried it all?  Online dating, looking around my church, everything.  No, I am not too picky.   Your advice is not wanted, nor really welcome.  So just stop.  There is a reason why God made me single and after this weekend, I appreciate it all the more.

This weekend, I did a lot of nothing.  I mean, basic chores around the house like laundry, putting clothes away, running the sweeper, dusting.  But the majority of the time, I sat on my couch cuddling with my dog and watched Netflix.  I had a great weekend.  One I probably wouldn't have been able to have if I wasn't single.

See, here is something very few people know about me.  I am an introvert.  Notice I didn't say shy, I said introverted.  That means I recharge best in quiet and by …

Going home

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Spending time at home is both a blessing and a curse.  I was able to spend a lot of time with my parents and brothers this last week, but not a lot with everyone I wanted to.  There is so much of my former life there that I want to reconnect with everyone I used to do life with.  It seems as if there is never enough time to do and see everything I want to when I am planning the trip back home.  Getting schedules to match up sometimes is extremely hard.

But while I love going home there is something about coming home.  I have a weird dichotomy where I literally have two homes.  One in Ohio where I spent 28 years and one in North Carolina where I have spent 13 years.  Both places are a huge part of me and who I am.  I grew up in a small town surrounded by the same kids all through school.  That molded me.  My family molded me.  Doing life up there molded me.  I get teased at work and in my life when the extent of my naivety comes to light.  Then there are the past 13 years where I have …

There are no words

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Over the last few days, I have heard that phrase many times and it's the truth.  There are no words.  No words to say.  No words to think. No words to feel.  These last few days have been some of the most heartbreaking, hard, and humbling experiences of my life.  My heart aches for my cousins as they have traveled and are still traveling a very difficult road.  But the hope that has permeated their beings as they have gone through this is a gut check.

This morning's lesson was on the power of prayer and what the aspects of the Lord's Prayer are.  What I have learned this week is that there are no words to pray when you are faced with a situation as they have been facing.  Every time they have been brought to mind (which is constant) or I would get woken up with an urgency to pray, I would.  At one point, words simply wouldn't come.  I could only pray "Thy will be done" but took comfort in Romans 8:26.  It says simply "In the same way the Spirit also help…

Second one down

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Yesterday I did it.  It was ugly,  It was hard.  It was miserable. It was slow. It was painful.  But I did it.  I completed my second half marathon.  
I hadn't trained as hard for this one as I did for my first.  I had gained weight.  I was not physically or mentally ready.  But I had registered and payed the money to push myself to doing something that 2% of the population has completed.  Plus, one of my high school classmates that I haven't seen since graduation (22 years ago) was going to be there with all of her peeps, so I had to do it.
I woke up right before the alarm because of a nightmare I had had about the race and the fact that I didn't wake up until 7 (which was the start time of the race).  I was in the hotel and somehow the bathroom door got locked, so we couldn't use it.  Fortunately, the only thing in there was my toothpaste and toothbrush so mom went down to the front desk to get someone to open up the door.  I started getting ready and they brought up…

Happy Valentine's Day

I know... I hear you... you think this is another blog from the single person on how horrible it is to be single on Valentine's day.  However, Valentine's day is so much more than me being on the couch in my jammies by 7:00 PM with the dishes done and ready for bed already.  I know you are jealous ;)

For me, Valentine's day is bitter sweet.  Seven years ago today, my family lost a huge part of us.  My grandfather died.  That left a huge hole in me.  So much so that it took a long time for me to begin to function again.  I have so many wonderful memories of my grandparents that even all these years later, I still expect to see Grandpa at family functions.  I expect to hear his laugh, to see the twinkle in his eye, and feel  the love he had for his family.  My family was extremely blessed to have him in our lives and I miss him daily, but no more so than February 14th.

Valentine's day is also my "gotcha" day for my Ladybug.  She was my Valentine's present f…

This is 40... a month later

So, a month ago today I had something happen that I was dreading.  I mean pit in my stomach, nausea, and anxiety happening all at the same time.  I turned 40.  Even typing it, I still am wrinkling my nose in disgust.  I know, I know age is just a number. But I don't like this number.  I have been trying to come up with the reason why I don't like this number, being in this age bracket, checking that next box.  I have watched my former high school classmates all turn 40 with grace, dignity, joy, excitement and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and pretend it didn't happen.

In an effort to fight it, I chopped off 12 inches off of my hair.  Ok, so my midlife crisis is little
compared to others, but it was a huge decision for me.  It was a way of forcing me to change my perception of myself.  Unfortunately, it didn't work very well.  It just made my morning routine go a little faster :)

So, why have I dreaded this birthday so much?  I really don't have a definitiv…

2016 was a year....

I think 2016 is going to go down in history as a tumultuous year. Between the crazy political year, the sudden deaths of so many influential people, and the constant news cycle that seems never ending, 2016 has not been a good year.   But, as we are about to finish this year, I have looked back on all of my posts for the year.  What I thought was horrible, was actually pretty amazing.

Some highlights:

I turned 40 and survived!  I normally love my birthday.  I mean, a day devoted just to me???  Um, yes please!  This one though, was tough.  Our church does a Christmas program for three Sundays in a row in December where the choir sang in all three services all three weeks.  My birthday this year was on Sunday and so I knew that I had to be at the church from 6:30-12:00 that day and that I would be exhausted.  So, I wasn't looking forward to that aspect of the day.  Plus, there is something about 40 that hurts.  I kept watching all of my old high school classmates turn 40 and it was …