I’ve Got the Music...
I have always loved music. It is in my blood. My mom has an amazing voice and is extremely talented and has always shared her talent. One of my favorite things was listening to her sing “O Holy Night” on Christmas Eve every year. It didn’t feel like Christmas until you heard her practicing in the house. I used to pretend I was on Broadway and a famous singer. Using the hairbrush or curling iron and belting out “Phantom of the Opera” when I was home alone. I love teaching the next generation about music with the preschool choir as well as getting to lead worship with my choir at church.
I listen to all kinds of music depending on my mood. Sometimes, it is quiet piano music, sometimes, it is classical, sometimes it is praise and worship, sometimes it is electric dance (if I am cleaning the house!!). My brothers used to torture me by playing different songs and making me guess what and who it was. (Side note... I was never any good at it! Don’t ask me to be your partner on Name that Tune :) ). I have always had a love of music. It is a major part of me.
So it shouldn’t have come to a surprise to me that God used a particular song to draw me to Him. See, I have been arguing with God. I have been throwing a massive temper tantrum. I didn’t get what I wanted and was really upset with God for taking it away from me. So I built a wall. Brick by brick, mortar by mortar. I hid behind the wall wrapped up in doubt, hurt, disillusionment, and anger. I would read my bible each morning, because that’s what you do when you are pretending to be a devoted believer. I would do my devotions, participate in Life Group, sing in the choir because that is what you do. However, I wasn’t me. I was hiding my light and just mad and ready to give up on everything. I was just going through the motions.
It got to the point, that I knew there was a wall between me and God, but didn’t know what to do or if I wanted to do anything about it. So one day, on my commute to work, I was yelling at God that He wasn’t listening to me. I shake my head at my audacity, but am so grateful that His love is not based on my actions. After yelling at God, during my commute, and almost getting hit several times because it’s Charlotte and well, yeah... So anyway... I am about to pull into the parking lot at work, when this song comes on the radio. I was shaken to my core. I had never heard this song before and it was exactly the lyric that I needed to hear. “You don’t answer all my questions, but You hear me when I speak. You don’t keep my heart from breaking, but when it does You weep with me”. When I heard that first verse, I started crying. I put my car in park, sat and listened to the whole song with tears streaming down my face. I confessed my pride, hurt, and anger, wiped my tears and tried to fix my face, then downloaded the album. I listened to the song on repeat all day. That is all I listened to. This one song on repeat. All Day. I wanted to burn it in my mind and in my heart. I shared it with some people, who had the same reaction that I did. I listened to it all the way home.
The next day, I really prayed. I wrote it down in my journal. I intently studied my bible. I wasn’t all the way there, but was slowly breaking down that wall that I had built. It was much larger and heavier than I realized. I went to work. I came home. I listened to more of the album and got it deeper in my heart. The next Sunday, my pastor spoke on John 4 with the woman at the well. I still had feelings of unworthiness and unimportance. Then he said something that snapped inside and all of the wall crumbled at my feet. Our life group lesson did the same. I went home and just marinated on these things. I listened to the song some more. I went to work the next day feeling like me again. There was joy in my soul. Some really amazing things happened at work. I went home, listening to the album again, this time, belting out the song in my car. The next day, some more amazing “God moments” happened. At that point, I knew it wasn’t a fluke. I knew I had finally broke free from my wall and storm. I reached out to my closests and let them know what was happening and that I was back. I had conversations with people. I was comfortable in my skin again.
It always amazes me, even though it shouldn’t, that God is so patient with His children. Even when we are acting like snot nosed brats complaining about not getting our way, He patiently guides us back to Him. Sometimes, He has enough of our temper tantrum and simply smacks us to get us out of it. I am so glad that He cared enough for me to smack me on the head in the midst of our fit.
Not to say that the hard times won’t ever come again, because they will. But it’s good to be out of time-out!
The song is “I Know” by Big Daddy Weave. If you haven’t heard it yet, I strongly recommend it!
I listen to all kinds of music depending on my mood. Sometimes, it is quiet piano music, sometimes, it is classical, sometimes it is praise and worship, sometimes it is electric dance (if I am cleaning the house!!). My brothers used to torture me by playing different songs and making me guess what and who it was. (Side note... I was never any good at it! Don’t ask me to be your partner on Name that Tune :) ). I have always had a love of music. It is a major part of me.
So it shouldn’t have come to a surprise to me that God used a particular song to draw me to Him. See, I have been arguing with God. I have been throwing a massive temper tantrum. I didn’t get what I wanted and was really upset with God for taking it away from me. So I built a wall. Brick by brick, mortar by mortar. I hid behind the wall wrapped up in doubt, hurt, disillusionment, and anger. I would read my bible each morning, because that’s what you do when you are pretending to be a devoted believer. I would do my devotions, participate in Life Group, sing in the choir because that is what you do. However, I wasn’t me. I was hiding my light and just mad and ready to give up on everything. I was just going through the motions.
It got to the point, that I knew there was a wall between me and God, but didn’t know what to do or if I wanted to do anything about it. So one day, on my commute to work, I was yelling at God that He wasn’t listening to me. I shake my head at my audacity, but am so grateful that His love is not based on my actions. After yelling at God, during my commute, and almost getting hit several times because it’s Charlotte and well, yeah... So anyway... I am about to pull into the parking lot at work, when this song comes on the radio. I was shaken to my core. I had never heard this song before and it was exactly the lyric that I needed to hear. “You don’t answer all my questions, but You hear me when I speak. You don’t keep my heart from breaking, but when it does You weep with me”. When I heard that first verse, I started crying. I put my car in park, sat and listened to the whole song with tears streaming down my face. I confessed my pride, hurt, and anger, wiped my tears and tried to fix my face, then downloaded the album. I listened to the song on repeat all day. That is all I listened to. This one song on repeat. All Day. I wanted to burn it in my mind and in my heart. I shared it with some people, who had the same reaction that I did. I listened to it all the way home.
The next day, I really prayed. I wrote it down in my journal. I intently studied my bible. I wasn’t all the way there, but was slowly breaking down that wall that I had built. It was much larger and heavier than I realized. I went to work. I came home. I listened to more of the album and got it deeper in my heart. The next Sunday, my pastor spoke on John 4 with the woman at the well. I still had feelings of unworthiness and unimportance. Then he said something that snapped inside and all of the wall crumbled at my feet. Our life group lesson did the same. I went home and just marinated on these things. I listened to the song some more. I went to work the next day feeling like me again. There was joy in my soul. Some really amazing things happened at work. I went home, listening to the album again, this time, belting out the song in my car. The next day, some more amazing “God moments” happened. At that point, I knew it wasn’t a fluke. I knew I had finally broke free from my wall and storm. I reached out to my closests and let them know what was happening and that I was back. I had conversations with people. I was comfortable in my skin again.
It always amazes me, even though it shouldn’t, that God is so patient with His children. Even when we are acting like snot nosed brats complaining about not getting our way, He patiently guides us back to Him. Sometimes, He has enough of our temper tantrum and simply smacks us to get us out of it. I am so glad that He cared enough for me to smack me on the head in the midst of our fit.
Not to say that the hard times won’t ever come again, because they will. But it’s good to be out of time-out!
The song is “I Know” by Big Daddy Weave. If you haven’t heard it yet, I strongly recommend it!
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