My 40 Day Journey (so far...)

For the last 35 days, I have been involved with a bible study that focuses on being a healthier person.  It has completely changed my thought processes, my attitude toward food and fitness, and who I am as a person.

Let me explain.  The bible study is from Rick Warren and it's called The Daniel Plan.  It uses five foundations of a healthier life:  faith, food, fitness, focus, and friends.  It uses the example of Daniel in the Bible who was well known for how he didn't eat the king's food, but followed a strict diet and was the strongest, healthiest person in the kingdom.

About two months ago we had a health screening at my office.  At the time of the screening, I was the heaviest I had ever been, my cholesterol was off, and my blood pressure was to the point of almost needing to be controlled by medicine.  I left that so upset and mad at myself.  How could I do this to me?  How was I going to fix this?  I was hopeless.  I talked to a friend of mine at church.  She's a nurse and was getting ready to start leading this bible study for healthier living.  I thought "well, it sure can't hurt anymore that what I was doing"  The first week talked about Faith.  Verses that I had learned a long time ago were used in the context of my entire life.  It was a real eye opener.  I read the first few chapters of the book in no time flat.  I was amazed that my WHOLE life was important to God.  I also realized that the unhealthy me was not able to serve God to the fullness of His desire.  That first week was hard.  I was starving and not sure I could do it. I was full of self doubt.  I was under serious attack.  I was fighting all week. But then on Saturday, my friends and I got together for dinner and games.  We were playing a game and everyone was eating a cookie.  I wanted one of those cookies.  I was so hungry, I think I may have said something like "I could eat this table".  So Mandy went and filled up a GIANT bowl of celery for me to munch on.  I did.  For every time I wanted to eat a cookie, I ate a celery stalk.  I had A LOT of celery stalks that night.  I went to the study the next day and did a weigh in.  Well, much to my surprise, I had lost 5 pounds!  My first thought was "the celery instead of cookies was worth it!"

The next week was a little better but was also a staff meeting week, so food and fitness were a lot harder as I was sitting in a meeting and surrounded by food.  I still managed to loose a couple of pounds.  The third week, something clicked in me.  I realized that my eating habits were because I am an emotional eater. I realized that my eating habits were a sin.  It was separating me from God.  Simply, I didn't like who I was, so I ate.  Food became an all consuming focus.  I was happy, I ate.  I was sad, I ate.  I was stressed, I ate.  This was a major realization for me.  I had never looked at food as sin before, and now I was.  One of the questions in the journal every day is "When you ate today, why did you eat?"  Answering that question on a daily basis, really caused me to stop and evaluate why I was eating.  Was I eating for fuel, or for other reasons?  

The daily journal writing has helped me to see that this needs to be a complete mind change for me.  I have also realized over the last few days that I have never really liked myself.  I wasn't athletic in high school.  I was always on the chubby side and thought that was just my lot in life.  To be the fat friend.  I went to college and thought the same thing.  However, in the last few weeks as I have watched the pounds come off, the energy go up, the feeling of health, I have realized that even though I always knew that God loved me no matter what, that because of the work of the cross I was viewed by Him as a joint heir, that my family and friends like me, there has always been a part of me that thought that I wasn't good enough for anyone. So basically, for the last 25 years or so, I have been having a grand old pity party with refreshments!  However, several random people in my life in the last week have come up to me to tell me that they have noticed my weight loss, and that it shows in my countenance as well.  I looked happier.  I realized that I am finally starting to like me.  Not just the person that I see in the mirror, but the person who on the inside who struggles with a food addiction.  I have an amazing support system, not only in the group, but with my family and friends who are helping me on this journey.  I have a coworker who walks with me everyday to keep me motivated.  I have friends that will talk me off of the ledge when I really want a cheeseburger, onion rings, and a milkshake.  I have family that are praying for me and are excited about my little victories as well.  I have people in my life that are asking me about my journey and encouraging me when I am weak.  If I have all of this, then there must be something worth liking.  I know that this journey is a lifestyle change.  I know that I have made huge strides in my health numbers in the last 35 days.  I know that it is not always going to be this easy.  I know that my final goal is huge and seemingly insurmountable, (at least when I first started :) ). I know that there will be times when I fail.  I know there will be times when I fall.  I know that this addiction is not going to go away.  I have changed a lot with my eating habits.  I have changed my fitness routine.  I have changed my quiet time.  I have changed my focus.  But what I don't have anymore on a daily basis, I am not missing it so much.  I love fresh vegetables, so that helps a lot in planning meals.  I split my dinner into two so that I have something healthy for lunch.  I have chosen snacks that will help me in focusing.  I move more.  I have more energy. I am more focused at work.  

I have a long way to go before I will be where I want to be long term, but what I have discovered these last 35 days is that my health is one of  the most important things to God as it determines my ability to serve Him how He has planned for me to serve him.

Oh... so my numbers tonight were beyond what I could have hoped for blood pressure wise.  I am now back in the healthy area without the use of drugs to correct it!  But more importantly is the journey that my faith has taken.  I have pride in who I am as well as whose I am.  I am a child of the King!  Worthy just for that!