Grief

This past week has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I have ever had to go through.  My heart has simply broken.  I am learning that grief comes in many ways for many reasons.  From sobbing hysterically in a friend's office, to withdrawing from conversations, to trying to fix it all and not being able to at all.  I keep getting pulled to the verse in John when Jesus was at his friend's grave, "Jesus wept".  I've spoken about this verse before, but there is a strange comfort in all of my leaking this week, that my Savior has been there.  He knows.  Grief for a precious soul gone home, grief for a situation I wish I could have stopped, but can't do anything about, grief for wanting to be in a different place than I am.  Grief for not being able to help.

Grief is not an emotion reserved for death.  I've learned this week.  As things have been spiraling all around me, I want to change it all, but I can't.  I am working on accepting the outcomes of these things.  I don't like any of them, but I am learning to accept them.  Wishing I could do more to help, wishing I had the words to say, wishing I... just wishing.  Praying for comfort seems to fall on deaf ears.  I know in my head that the words are being heard, the shouts of anger, the cries for help, the sobs of sorrow.  My head knows that He hears, understands, and is accepting it all.  My heart right now is so broken, that it's hard to remember.  He's there.  He hears.  He comforts.  I have to remember these things and claim the promises of scripture.